Lovely people, Sam is back today to update us. When we last heard from her she spoke of the dilemma that many of us have faced, or are currently facing, the head versus heart debate. How much of your life can you put on hold whilst trying to conceive? Things have moved on a little for Sam since then and you can read all about it here:
It feels like an age ago since I wrote about debates between my head and my heart, but in reality it was only last month. I feel like since we started trying to conceive, I live my life twenty seven days at a time; totally focused on those vital few fertile days, and then existing in the vast emptiness that is the two week wait – or twelve day wait in my case. Despite making the decision to try until May, we have discussed it further and accepted that realistically, we need to make a decision now. As a result, this is our last cycle of trying for a while. We don’t know how long that while will be, not until I can establish what my options are once the course starts in August.
Before stopping completely, I want to be sure that everything is working as it should, and so this month I am finally introducing methods of tracking ovulation. The first method is Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs). These are little dipstick tests – which look a lot like pregnancy tests – but instead give you a positive result when they detect a surge of the luteinizing hormone (LH), which your body releases roughly twenty four hours prior to ovulation. However, because your body can produce a positive OPK but then fail to ovulate, I am also trying my hand at temping this cycle too. This involves setting my alarm for 5:30am each morning, sticking a thermometer in my mouth for a few minutes, and then going back to sleep. Once I ovulate, I will see a consistent temperature rise for at least three days, which is the only sure way of knowing that my body is doing what it should be. Today is cycle day (CD) 12 and I expect to ovulate on CD15, so I’m getting ridiculously excited at the prospect of seeing a positive OPK result soon. I’m hoping that my chart will also confirm ovulation. It has been a bit erratic over the weekend, but I think that is linked to my excessive consumption of alcohol at a Curry Karaoke night on the Saturday, so hopefully it will be far more consistent from now on.
Life at the moment is a roller coaster of ups and downs. Some days I want to be pregnant, more than anything else in this world. Other days, I am giddy at the prospect of a career change and a new challenge, being out of employment for the first time in my life…but then I feel guilty for thinking that, I feel as though every thought should be focused on becoming a mother. I’m really starting to feel as though I will be ok, whatever the outcome this month. Yes, I will be sad if it’s not our lucky cycle. However, I think that once the initial upset has passed, I may actually be quite happy to start out on this journey towards a new career, the career that I always wanted as a child – not many people have the chance to achieve their childhood dream.
So, lovely readers of RTS, this is the deciding round. Will my next post be one of farewell for a while, or will it be a lovely Big Fat Positive announcement? Although I hope it is the latter, I really think that regardless of the outcome this month – it will all work out. The lovely Sammi often quotes a phrase that I think sums it up perfectly:
“It’s going to be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”