TTC/Still Trying: One Last Chance

Lovely people, Sam is back today to update us. When we last heard from her she spoke of the dilemma that many of us have faced, or are currently facing, the head versus heart debate. How much of your life can you put on hold whilst trying to conceive? Things have moved on a little for Sam since then and you can read all about it here: 

Trying for a baby | TTC | Still Trying | One Last Chance | Sam | Riding the Stork, a UK mummy and baby blog

It feels like an age ago since I wrote about debates between my head and my heart, but in reality it was only last month. I feel like since we started trying to conceive, I live my life twenty seven days at a time; totally focused on those vital few fertile days, and then existing in the vast emptiness that is the two week wait – or twelve day wait in my case. Despite making the decision to try until May, we have discussed it further and accepted that realistically, we need to make a decision now. As a result, this is our last cycle of trying for a while. We don’t know how long that while will be, not until I can establish what my options are once the course starts in August.

Before stopping completely, I want to be sure that everything is working as it should, and so this month I am finally introducing methods of tracking ovulation. The first method is Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs). These are little dipstick tests – which look a lot like pregnancy tests – but instead give you a positive result when they detect a surge of the luteinizing hormone (LH), which your body releases roughly twenty four hours prior to ovulation. However, because your body can produce a positive OPK but then fail to ovulate, I am also trying my hand at temping this cycle too. This involves setting my alarm for 5:30am each morning, sticking a thermometer in my mouth for a few minutes, and then going back to sleep. Once I ovulate, I will see a consistent temperature rise for at least three days, which is the only sure way of knowing that my body is doing what it should be. Today is cycle day (CD) 12 and I expect to ovulate on CD15, so I’m getting ridiculously excited at the prospect of seeing a positive OPK result soon. I’m hoping that my chart will also confirm ovulation. It has been a bit erratic over the weekend, but I think that is linked to my excessive consumption of alcohol at a Curry Karaoke night on the Saturday, so hopefully it will be far more consistent from now on.

Trying for a baby | TTC | Still Trying | One Last Chance | Sam | Riding the Stork, a UK mummy and baby blog

Life at the moment is a roller coaster of ups and downs. Some days I want to be pregnant, more than anything else in this world. Other days, I am giddy at the prospect of a career change and a new challenge, being out of employment for the first time in my life…but then I feel guilty for thinking that, I feel as though every thought should be focused on becoming a mother. I’m really starting to feel as though I will be ok, whatever the outcome this month. Yes, I will be sad if it’s not our lucky cycle. However, I think that once the initial upset has passed, I may actually be quite happy to start out on this journey towards a new career, the career that I always wanted as a child – not many people have the chance to achieve their childhood dream.

So, lovely readers of RTS, this is the deciding round. Will my next post be one of farewell for a while, or will it be a lovely Big Fat Positive announcement? Although I hope it is the latter, I really think that regardless of the outcome this month – it will all work out. The lovely Sammi often quotes a phrase that I think sums it up perfectly:

“It’s going to be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”


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12 thoughts on “TTC/Still Trying: One Last Chance

  1. I cant wait to see how your chart pans out. Its exciting times for you, either way it all works out! Fx for the best outcome for you….whatever that may be. X

    • Thanks, I’m on CD17 now, so it’s exciting to see it all come together. When I discard the alcohol affected temps on FF it actually looks a bit like a chart ‘should’ now, exciting times!

  2. You have a fabulous attitude Sam. Whilst this has been the hardest decision of your life to date, you have remained grounded and level-headed throughout. I SO hope this is your cycle. However, if it isn’t I know you’ll make a fantastic teacher and an equally fabulous Mum one day.

    • I’m not quite sure I deserve that praise Sammi, there has been the odd day (or week) that it has all been a bit too much for me. However, I’m getting there, and trying to keep some perspective. Thank you for your lovely words, and for keeping your fingers crossed for me :)

      • Ok you have mostly remained grounded ;-)

        We are all allowed a flap now and again, it is picking yourself up and moving forward which requires the inner strength. I know you have oodles of that x

  3. Aw lovely. There’s nothing more I can add here but just wanted to give you my love and best wishes (again!!) I feel ever so slightly on the edge of my seat for you…..

  4. It’s lovely to hear you sounding much more positive. I have everything crossed for you that whatever happens this month is meant to be xx

  5. You’ve just got to let life take you down whichever direction it chooses to go. Your attitude has been amazing throughout your whole ttc journey. I’m secretly hoping Mother Nature throws you a sneaky bfp in at the end of this cycle, but if not you’ve got something very exciting to start.
    I’m stalking all your ttc journeys Sam, sammi, vic and sweetpea! I look forward to the day I see your bfp announcements, because it IS going to happen!

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