It’s time to introduce another fabulous new contributor, Mrs W! In time you’ll get to know her more but for now, for some obvious reasons, she’d rather keep her identity under wraps. Today it’s time for her to tell you a little about herself and the situation that she finds herself in. She’ll be back soon to update you but in the meantime, I’d love it if you’d give her a proper Riding the Stork welcome!
Mr W & I will have been together 8 years in February. We were friends before that. We moved in together after 6 months – seemed silly to wait longer as we already knew each other so well, and had very quickly realised that this was going to be a great thing. I think to the outside world things were moving quickly and it wouldnt be long before we would be walking down the aisle. But neither of us were really that fussed about getting married. We talked about it often, and knew we would be doing it at some point, but it wasnt top of the agenda.
We got engaged after 3 years, and he gave me a choice. We save for the wedding, or we save for our family home. We lived in a little starter-home-for-gerbils house; a teeny new build on an estate. It was a lovely house, but we couldnt have had kids there, and we wanted some space. I am rather practical about these sorts of decisions, so it was a no-brainer for me. The house won every time. We sold our house (luckily just as the market was turning, so didnt loose money on it) and moved in with Mr W’s parents to start saving. Luckily, I get on very well with them, but we ended up being there for 18 months, and it tests all relationships!! Whilst we were saving, one of my best friends sighed at me and said ‘I cant believe you have all that money there and you arent spending on getting married’. We found the house of our dreams, an old farm workers cottage, in a set of 6, in the middle of nowhere, with a little land. We have been here for just over 2 years now, and still adore it! Once we were in, we started getting the comments from friends and family that surely it was time to think about setting a date for the wedding. But we chose practicality and spent the first eighteen months spending money on the house and garden, and happily so. I will never forget talking to my Mum who again, like my friends, sighed at me and told me we might as well forget getting married and just have some kids. Both sets of parents have given up hiding their frustration that after all this time together, there arent any grand children for them. Apparently we are letting them down…. How selfish of us!
We decided this time last year that we would finally like to get married. We booked it, organised it and paid for it in 6 months. It was the very best day of my life so far, and I love that we set a budget and stuck to it, and that the way that we did it meant that we arent paying for it still.
What we have been trying to make our parents and friends understand is that we want to be in the best position possible before we have children. We know full well that you will never be able to ‘afford’ them. But I have watched so many friends of mine break their hearts because they have to go back to work at nine months when the maternity pay runs out. A friend of mine went back to work a few months ago and it worked out that after childcare she was only £30 a week better off than staying at home. But that £30 makes all the difference in her household. Dont get me wrong, I am not saying that I do not want to go back to work after we have had children. But I do not want to have to go back so soon because that is our only option. So we have been planning – with Mr W’s job change and pay increases, we are in a much better financial position than two years ago, and so it gives me more options once we have had children.
We got married in August, and of course have had the raised eyebrows about when we might start having children. The questions are never ending! I came off the pill at the end of October after talking to a friend who got married in June. She had come straight off the pill to start trying asap, but she had still not had a period. She was so upset that he body was letting her down. I came home and asked Mr W if I could come off the pill. I knew that it would mean condoms for him, but he said yes. I didnt want us to try, but I wanted to have my hormones and cycles working how they should be when we finally made the decision to start trying.
My oh my, I love hormones!! I have been on Cerazette which was a wonder drug for me – stable level hormones, and the billy bonus is no periods. Not a single one for over five years. So 5 weeks after I came off the pill, it was like 5 years worth in one. But at least I had one. And they have been pretty regular and normal since then. Although my mood swings are back with a vengeance, something Mr W is oh so pleased about.
Last week, whilst otherwise occupied, Mr W didnt reach for the condoms. I lay there afterwards wondering whether to say anything or not. I asked him if he was giving himself a late xmas present, and he said that now that we were sure everything was working in my area, there really wasnt anything stopping us from trying for real. I burst into tears! I cant believe we are actually going to try. This last week its been on my mind all the time, and it makes me realise how much I have wanted this for a long time, but not let myself think about it too much. We are not telling anyone that we are trying – I dont think I could handle the excitement of the parents, only to then be followed by the questions each month. Its not fair on them, and it certainly puts too much pressure on us. But I want to shout it from the rooftops!
I have so many thoughts going round in my head and questions, and I am prepared for this to be a long process but it feels amazing to be starting on the next part of our journey together.